Daily Tweetage

• 00:53 Daily Tweetage: 23:51 Daily Tweetage: 09:58 decisions decisions: Apart from managing to get my acco.. tinyurl.com/66zfo7
• 08:45 Who out there has installed Firefox 3? Everything okay? I want to do it, but I'm a bit scared...
• 12:45 Eek, I've installed Firefox 3! Hope I haven't cocked things up...
• 15:23 new toys, new procrastinations: I am so naughty. I will do anything rather than buckle down to my w.. tinyurl.com/3gm7bh
• 15:26 Wah! Why has my Twitterfox 'T' gone red?
• 16:09 Oh dear, it's really turning into a day of procrastination today! Have to go out again soon, and no writing done at all... sigh...
• 21:52 Well, despite a colossal amount of procrastination and displacement activity today, I did manage 200 words of a story. Beats nothing...
• 21:55 Yikes, I'm Tweeting big time here! LOL

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new toys, new procrastinations

I am so naughty. I will do anything rather than buckle down to my writing. I'm always looking for new techno doohickeys and whotnots to play with rather than apply myself to the serious business of writing.

Yesterday, I signed up for Facebook again, because a good buddy of mine has just joined. I was in Facebook a while back, but as 'Wendy', but I've now joined as 'Portia' instead. Bit schizo of me, I know, but there you are... If you're a Facebook nut, look for me as Portia Da Costa.

I've also just installed the spiffy new Firefox v.3! Very swish and nifty. Bit of a panic now and again, of course, when things don't work quite the way they used to, but you soon get used to the new versions of things... and I think I'm going to like the new Fox.

I've also installed Twitterfox, to further feed my Twitter addiction. Which means all I have to do is click a little 'T' in my status bar in order to 'tweet'!

Daily Tweetage

• 23:51 Daily Tweetage: 09:58 decisions decisions: Apart from managing to get my accounts done, I really ha.. tinyurl.com/3h8pym
• 09:38 Loads to do today. Feeling swamped again. And panicking because it's only 6 weeks today to setting off for RWA and have tons to organise!
• 10:12 Oh noes! I just dug into another drawer that I haven't looked in for ages. Found masses of stuff that requires throw/no throw angst!

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Daily Tweetage

• 09:58 decisions decisions: Apart from managing to get my accounts done, I really haven't had all that pro.. tinyurl.com/6n6rj3
• 14:42 Wow, I'm doing great today! Have just done 1.6K on an old story that's been hanging around for months... and have finished draft #1 of it!!!

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decisions decisions

Apart from managing to get my accounts done, I really haven't had all that productive a weekend. I've got so my jobs on my to do list that I can't decide which to do... and I think decision making, or a phobia of it, is one of the things that really holds me back generally in life and writing.

I will do anything to avoid making a decision, and this really makes life difficult. It induces a sort of paralysis in which nothing gets done. Because I'm locked in this inability to make a decision, I do nothing and seek solace in procrastination and displacement activities. I think it's fear, really, this thing about making choices... fear of the outcome of a bad choice. Because boy, have I made some colossally stupid choices in he course of my life, decisions that have had major ramifications and generally f**ked up a lot of things. It's no use wailing and gnashing my teeth about them now, because there's nothing that can be done, and you have to make the best of life as it shakes down, but it does make me leery of all decisions and choices that I face...

And writing is all about choices. Choosing the right characters, the right plot [hah!] and the right words, and I think that's why I find it far tougher than I used to... and conversely, more rewarding, because I know how hard the struggle is, and when something turns out even half way decent that's quite an achievement! In the early days, I was so naive, I just plugged away at it, not realising how badly I could cock it all up. I wasn't conscious of having to make decisions, I just cheerfully wrote my drivel, not thinking about all the better ways I could do things... it was so simple. Just pure enjoyment, I suppose, before the days of reviews and critiques and feedback... But now, in the age of the internet, I'm always finding myself second guessing virtually every word I write, already hearing the criticism, the analysis, the questioning of my choices...

Yikes, what a ramble. I never meant to go on like this, but it's just something that's on my mind.

But I'm curious...

Writers out there, do you just 'do your thing' and write your story? Or are you conscious, as you write, of what reactions there might be to your words, specifically adverse ones?

Daily Tweetage

• 23:21 Daily Tweetage: 00:51 Daily Tweetage: 00:51 Daily Tweetage: 07:49 Should have been a good day yeste.. tinyurl.com/4m5soy
• 10:01 Sunday morning. Slow start. Would really like to achieve something on the writing front today... but there's a lot of sport on the telly.
• 11:47 In my current sorting out mood, I decided to go through a drawer... FAIL! Head now spinning from deciding what to keep and what to throw.

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Daily Tweetage

• 00:51 Daily Tweetage: 00:51 Daily Tweetage: 07:49 Should have been a good day yesterday, but some news on.. tinyurl.com/4yvemc
• 09:21 State of Rage: Crikey, I wasn't half in a mood yesterday! And I don't know where it came from, real.. tinyurl.com/6lazfe
• 09:44 So far, I'm in a much better mood today, but the morning is flying by and I'm not getting anything constructive done. Must shape up!
• 12:02 Still grappling with accounts, but am beginning to see a glimmer of light now. I will never, ever let them get this out of date again!!!
• 16:03 Glory Halleluia!!!! Have got my accounts up to date at last! I must never let them get that bad again.... never....
• 16:51 Portia, I award thee....: ... a beautiful scatter of GOLD STARS for finally getting thy business ac.. tinyurl.com/449yjf
• 23:07 Just back from pub meal with himself. Turkey and ham carvery dinner, and a couple of glasses of Stella Artois... yummy!

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Portia, I award thee....

... a beautiful scatter of GOLD STARS for finally getting thy business accounts bang up to date!

What a marathon task it's been, but having done it, I feel a wonderful sense of achievement and a weight lifted off my shoulders. Now, if I could just get my office cleaned out, I'd be floating on air in the self achievement department...

And I hereby pledge to myself that I will not let them slip again, and will record each expenditure and income as and when it occurs!!!

State of Rage

Crikey, I wasn't half in a mood yesterday! And I don't know where it came from, really. Naturally I've got the usual worries and minor crap going on in my life, but who hasn't? But I don't think any of it is enough to explain the state of psychotic rage that descended on me late yesterday morning and seemed to grip me until early evening.

It's funny, I was fine in the morning, and even managed to accomplish a task that usually turns me into a snarling beast - parcelling up books to send out - in a calm and reasonably contented manner. Then everything changed and I seemed to turn into Jack Torrance or Victor Meldrew on benzedrine or summink. Just total rage. With everything. I'd say it was like PMT, but I should be past all that crap... Maybe it's like some unexpected sunset upwelling of the hormones before I settle down to being a mildly grumpy old woman on a fairly even keel? Who knows... But it's a miracle I didn't break a lot of stuff yesterday, and some of it expensive. Thankfully, I confined my destructive tantrums to a bit of paper crumpling and mild throwing about...

Needless to say, me being me, I selected the most stupid job to do yesterday afternoon, given the above mentioned foul mood. Catching up with my accounts! Sigh... Thankfully last years are all sorted and submitted to the mendacious gouging bastards who like the bleed the average working woman in the street dry aka. the Inland Revenue. But this year's are in a bit of a muddle and need bringing up to date. Just the job to get stuck into when you're feeling like a cross between an axe murderer and a chain saw killer... But then I never did have much good sense...

The good news is that I feel quite chipper today... not ecstatic, but not enraged either... Let's hope this mildish mood survives the rest of the day, eh? :)

Daily Tweetage

• 00:51 Daily Tweetage: 07:49 Should have been a good day yesterday, but some news on a non writing front r.. tinyurl.com/3jgedj
• 11:28 Busy wrapping parcels of books this morning, to send to readers and reviewers. Managed to do four without becoming psychotic... miracle!!!
• 11:50 Some progress: Well, I'm making some progress at least. I pushed on ahead with my 'Liaisons' story,.. tinyurl.com/63mbtd
• 21:02 Ack, have been grappling with my accounts, and now I feel like throwing the whole lot out of the window! Drives me nuts!!!!

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Some progress

Well, I'm making some progress at least. I pushed on ahead with my 'Liaisons' story, and I've finished the first draft of it. Have to admit it's a bit of a bodge up towards the end, but at least I've got something to work with, and that's a relief. I'm particularly eager to get this one done in good time, because the closing date for submissions is just after I return from San Francisco, and I want to have the story polished and subbed well before I set off on my jaunt with Saskia and Madelynne.

I've also been jotting down notes for a project that will probably never come to pass, but which I chat about often with the above writing chums. More of a paranormal romance than an erotic romance, and I doubt if I'll ever get further than just thinking about it, because my plotting skills are so slight, but it amuses me to toy with the idea now and again, and it's a cause of never ending mirth when my mates tease me about this ongoing idea that has no plot, no characters, no setting etc. LOL

In other news, I'm hoping I might have something a bit more concrete to announce here sooner or later, but you know how it is with chickens and hatching... I never like to count on anything until I have definite facts. In this business, the brightest hopes can crumble to dust, and what sounded like enthusiasm and positive signage can just disappear like Scotch Mist, completely forgotten by those who inadvertently elevated one's expectations and dreams... It's just the fickle nature of the game really, nobody's fault.

Daily Tweetage

• 07:49 Should have been a good day yesterday, but some news on a non writing front really took the shine off it, causing many worries. :(
• 11:35 Don't worry, guys, my worry isn't life or death. Nobody is ill or anything. It's just an issue affecting many folks at the moment.
• 16:36 Have just finished the first draft of a story, and the sense of achievement has made me feel *a lot* better, generally. Good therapy there!

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