I've started writing again, but it's proving hard, hard, hard at the moment. Horrible. Like bashing my head against a brick wall or trying to plait fog.
I'm trying to write a paranormal short story for an anthology... and it's not going well. There are many problems:
- have gone through several ideas and they're all weak as tap water...
- have started two, actually, and neither has come to life...
- the more I try, the weaker, more wooden, and more contrived whatever I try to write becomes...
The biggest problem is, I think, that I'm constantly aware of the competition to get into this anthology, and I start measuring myself against the 'opposition' before I've even the faintest idea what sort of thing said opposition is writing... I hobble myself with thoughts about how 'fresh', 'groundbreaking', 'edgy' and 'literary' a lot of these folk are... and I throw myself into a depressing flat spin of panic because I know that's exactly what I'm *not*. I'm derivative. I mostly rehash themes of long, long standing and just hope that I can muddle through in my own peculiar way. But everybody these days is expecting this 'fresh' stuff... and *quite rightly*... and those of us who are unfresh [God, how revoltingly icky does that sound?] and basically pretty shallow in terms of psychological depth and all that are in big, big trouble. And it doesn't help that I had a story rejected for the previous anthology in this series... That has ****ed me up right royally.... And yeah, yeah, yeah, a real pro would put that behind her and come up with some dazzling sure thing for the next anthology. But that's easier said than done... well, it is for me...
However, having whinged like a good 'un here, I'm still going to keep on trying for a while yet. I don't want to give up and opt out. That's just being a total loser... But I may end up ditching the short I'm working on at the moment if it doesn't shape up soon and stop being an immense pile of pooh. At the moment, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what I can replace it with... but I'll just have to hope and pray some tired old chestnut of an idea will suddenly present itself, along with a way of making itself sound not to boring and repetitive....
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Telly: ballet
Chocolate: Cadbury's Chocolate Biscuits
Mood: not great
Writing: completely shitty and useless short story
Reading: Window XP Magazine
RSI: so so
