CEotFK

This is most unusual... Note position of Kuffer's tail.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

for so many reasons...

• yesterday was more or less a bust, writingwise...
• think a bit cockup has been made in respect of something I posted yesterday, resulting in the loss of a chunk of money
• the crappy weather and stress factors are making every bit of my body ache... again...
• Christmas is looming and I've done next to nothing towards it...
• Yahoo went weird yesterday, resulting in lost posts...
• all my other email addresses seem to be f-ed up too, resulting in me never knowing whether important emails have got to their destinations...

On the writing-bust-wise front... Have started some editing on IllMet and really, the first chapter is a pile of horse dollop! It's bad. Just bad. Dead and wooden as can be. And I know why. I 'translated' it from an old bit of first person writing I did, like, years ago and as the original bit was poor, the new version is poor too. Think I may have to print this bit off, read it, then rip it out of the MS completely and rewrite the whole first scene. I'm starting to have doubts about the whole opus, actually... The usual story... I have this horrible fear that my writing isn't 'intelligent' enough... isn't 'special' enough... Both those barbs have been aimed at me in the past... The first right at the beginning of my career when some pretentious git in an erotica mail order catalogue deemed that my first ever book wasn't 'intelligent' writing.... Well, up yours buster! The mail order business soon disappeared and I'm still here! The second was when my long suffering agent was trying to place my one and only attempt at a women's mainstream novel, and an editor somewhere said that my writing was good, but the book 'just wasn't special enough'... well, I think she was right, to be honest. In fact I know she was right. It was pretty much a 'nothing' idea... Mainstream is way beyond my scope... You need big ideas, and a fair degree of confidence, to launch into that arena, and I don't have either... There are some writing things I'm quite good at, when I'm 'in the zone', but generally I'm only too aware of my limitations.

I sometimes wonder if I should actually ignore my limitations though... approach my writing as if I sincerely believe that I'm a freaking genius and nothing I do can possibly be wrong... and just get carried along on the wave of my own self belief [importance]? What do you think? Is it worth a shot? LOL