oh dear...

I've started writing again, but it's proving hard, hard, hard at the moment. Horrible. Like bashing my head against a brick wall or trying to plait fog.

I'm trying to write a paranormal short story for an anthology... and it's not going well. There are many problems:

1. have gone through several ideas and they're all weak as tap water...
2. have started two, actually, and neither has come to life...
3. the more I try, the weaker, more wooden, and more contrived whatever I try to write becomes...

The biggest problem is, I think, that I'm constantly aware of the competition to get into this anthology, and I start measuring myself against the 'opposition' before I've even the faintest idea what sort of thing said opposition is writing... I hobble myself with thoughts about how 'fresh', 'groundbreaking', 'edgy' and 'literary' a lot of these folk are... and I throw myself into a depressing flat spin of panic because I know that's exactly what I'm *not*. I'm derivative. I mostly rehash themes of long, long standing and just hope that I can muddle through in my own peculiar way. But everybody these days is expecting this 'fresh' stuff... and *quite rightly*... and those of us who are unfresh [God, how revoltingly icky does that sound?] and basically pretty shallow in terms of psychological depth and all that are in big, big trouble. And it doesn't help that I had a story rejected for the previous anthology in this series... That has ****ed me up right royally.... And yeah, yeah, yeah, a real pro would put that behind her and come up with some dazzling sure thing for the next anthology. But that's easier said than done... well, it is for me...

However, having whinged like a good 'un here, I'm still going to keep on trying for a while yet. I don't want to give up and opt out. That's just being a total loser... But I may end up ditching the short I'm working on at the moment if it doesn't shape up soon and stop being an immense pile of pooh. At the moment, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what I can replace it with... but I'll just have to hope and pray some tired old chestnut of an idea will suddenly present itself, along with a way of making itself sound not to boring and repetitive....


--
Telly: ballet
Chocolate: Cadbury's Chocolate Biscuits
Mood: not great
Writing: completely shitty and useless short story
Reading: Window XP Magazine
RSI: so so

back again... sort of...

Oh, it's hard, very hard, to get into the groove again after Christmas. In an ideal world, I'd just stay with this vibe... leisurely days where I get up late, watch telly most of the day, breaking off now and again to eat something delicious or have a natter with himself about something fairly inconsequential... A totally relaxed carry on, no worrying and fretting about writing at all, just chilling out, spending time with the cats... pure bliss. I don't think I'd miss writing at all if I had the money to opt out... I suppose I'd get bored eventually and maybe start writing bits and pieces of self indulgence, just to amuse myself... but think how much more pleasurable a kind of writing that would be when I could just doodle along doing exactly what I wanted and not fret about editorial guidelines or emerging market trends.

Still, it's not a perfect world, and I'm going to have to get back in the saddle sooner rather than later because I have a zillion things to do. But it's tough to focus... even on this babble here. I flit around the blogs and everybody else seems to be getting with the program. Reflecting thoughtfully on what they've achieved in 2006 or looking forward to what they'll be doing, or having published in 2007. Also making resolutions and worthy plans for career strategies or working methods in the coming year... Me? Well, just the thought of it makes me want to run round the house screaming in panic and waving my hands about!!! It's all so hard... there's so much to do... my 'writing head' seems to have turned to Christmas pudding, and I can barely seem to string two words together any more... I just want to crawl back to bed, and only pop my head out from under the covers to eat some chocolate or watch a repeated movie I've seen a dozen times before...
--
Telly: anything and everything
Chocolate: Cadbury's Chocolate Biscuit Selection
Mood: suppressed panic
Writing: not a word
Reading: Radio Times
RSI: unexpected sore, given I'm not doing anything!

Christmas Holidays...

I'm sort of opting out for the Christmas Break now... but if you fancy winning some triffic Black Lace books... esp. one exceptionally fab one of mine... Nip over to Lust Bites and join in a spiffing competition!

ugh, just in time for Christmas...

Dammit, I've got a cold, I think! Just in time for Christmas... nice one, you germs, you! My inclination at the moment is just to crawl into bed, rest up, and maybe emerge to cook the Christmas dinner in a joint operation with himself... but I've so much to do! And not just Christmas prep... I've got my vamp novella to get on with, some updates for a web client, a paranormal short that I'd also like to do [because I've finally had a worthwhile idea for it!] and I hardly dare think about the amount of annual accounts I have to catch up with, having not done any since around last June!!! I've also just sold a short-short to a new magazine, and I'd like do do more of those too... Ack, it's all too much!

I've just been giving the movie Underworld another chance... and I still don't like it! It's all flash and dash and shoot'emups, without benefit of any soul, artistry or characterisation. Everyone just stomps around shouting and frowning in a plot that makes very little sense. Oh, I'm certain the lads just love Kate Beckinsale prancing around in tight black vinyl, but I'm afraid no amount of sexy costuming can make up for a wooden performance and a permanent scowl. I'm sure she's a fine actress and has put in great performances in other roles, but in this, no, she's just irritating to watch.... After watching the charm, the beauty and the subtlety of the two Dracula interpretations I've been watching in the past few days, Underworld is woeful... All it's self important 'pronouncing' just seems silly and juvenile, compared to the rich performances of both Frank Langella and Gary Oldman as the Dark Count and the genuine drama of the classic plot. In the coming days, there's a new version of Drac on the Beeb, and I'll be watching that with interest... Not sure how I'll like the treatment, and or fact that it plays fast and loose with the traditional storyline... but I'm sure it can't be worse than Underworld.
--
Telly: Underworld... ugh... Life of Mammals
Chocolate: Tesco Swiss Milk
Mood: weary... viral...
Writing: bits of ideas
Reading: Radio Times
RSI: not bad

Atilly the Cat

Proving that it's not just Kuffer who can do mad positions... Tilly gets comfy on a pile of himself's coats!

Yowsah, I just won an Award!!!!

I opened my copy of SCARLET this morning, and what did I discover?

Only that I've won the Award for Best Lesbian Sex Scene in their new annual Erotic Writing Awards for a naughty scene in a biker's cafe toilet in Entertaining Mr Stone!

I am well chuffed, I can tell you!

can I do vampires?

More work today on my vampire thingoid. Mostly, in fact completely rewriting the bit I did yesterday and the day before... That was just a sketch really, and exercise, just 'stuff' to get the thing started. I sometimes do that... just write nonsense really, just so there's something I can wrangle into something else. I feel better when I'm doing something rather than nothing...

I'm just starting to get a feeling for my vamp hero, Zack... I'm starting to see a picture of him in my mind, and a sense of his characteristics through the eyes of Teresa, my heroine. The fun bit is that *she* doesn't know he's a vamp yet, so I've to sneak in vampish things that she interprets as something else! I've to be crafty... the reader and I know he's a vamp, but she remains oblivious, although she knows he's not quite a normal guy!

This is my first vampire story ever... I've done paranormal, short and long, before but never actual vampires. I've done plenty of ghosts and sorcerers and even zombies once or twice... but not our toothy friends with a partiality for blood. But I've sure watched enough vamp movies and telly... all flavours of Dracula, plus tons of Spike and Angel... So I think I can probably hack my own particular version of the mythos.

Favourite vamps of mine? Spike, of course, Gary Oldman as Dracula, Frank Langella as Dracula, Angel... I once even had a tiny bit of a thing for Detective Nick Knight from Forever Knight... I'm also really looking forward to a new version of Dracula on the Beeb over Christmas starring Marc Warren... should be interesting, to say the least.
--
Telly: Superman Returns - v. good!
Chocolate: Tesco Swiss Milk
Mood: good
Writing: Buddies... also some work on a mini short
Reading: nothing much
RSI: okay

busy busy busy

An astonishingly productive day! Probably the equivalent of lying like a slug to some of the more super prolific authors out there, but for me, a very satisfying day indeed...

Have been working on a new novella, another paranormal, bit of a vamp thing... Not quite sure what I'm doing with it, and it's a bit of dog's breakfast so far, but managed to ramp up a K of words per day so far, so at least it's moving and not standing still.

I think I'm starting to get into this novella thing, and also, slightly, this paranormal thing... Certainly feel v. happy now about IllMet... got the verdict of my CP, and she thinks it's terrific! So it's off now to my agent, and thence to the editor... Fingers crossed for me, eh?

--
Telly: Dracula [1979 - Frank Langella... phwoooarrgh!]
Chocolate: Tesco Swiss Milk
Mood: v. positive for me
Writing: Buddies Don't Bite 1k words, IllMet tweaking
Reading: ComputerActive
RSI: mild

Lust Bites Christmas Party

The Lust Bites Christmas Party
Via Fossa, Canal Street, Manchester
Saturday 16th December 2006

no pix today...

Luckily for you all! I think I inflicted enough unmadeup horror on you yesterday! LOL

Still grappling with IllMet... and I need to get my finger out on this one and get it subbed to agent, then editor. Over the last couple of days I've been tinkering with one of Robin's physical characteristics... no, not that one... and I can't decide whether it's in or it's out... no, still not that one... I sort of decided to change it when I began the edit, but last night, I reinstated it... the resultant word wrangling turned the whole thing into a piece of crud. This morning, however, I've decided I like it again, and the reinstatement was correct.

I have so much to do over the weekend and in the run up to Christmas, but tomorrow I'm taking time out for a Transpennine expedition to Manchester to meet up with some other Black Lace authors for a Festive celebration. So watch out if you are in the general Canal Street/Piccadilly area... If you encounter a quartet of guffawing females, discussing the relative merits of various rude words, you'll know it's Madelynne Ellis, Nikki Magennis, Mathilde Madden and I out on our Christmas jollies! :)

I'm sure these esteemed ladies are just dying to meet 'the legendary Portia Da Costa ©''... if only to discover if she's as big a twit in person as she seems in this blog! LOL

--
Telly: snooker
Chocolate: Tesco milk with wholenut
Mood: okay
Writing: IllMet
Reading: Christmas cards
RSI: not bad

from the sublime to the ridiculous

Nice hair, shame about the face...

After yesterday's divine pic of Vincent, here's something far less heavenly. It's hairdo day, and here's my barnet, all freshly bleached and trimmed by the wonderful Anne! Very daringly, this is a no makeup shot... as will be abundantly obvious... but at least I'm smiling like a human being [almost] and only a few of my chins are on show!

--
Telly: UK Documentary
Chocolate: Tesco Milk with Hazelnut
Mood: okay
Writing: not yet
Reading: Cosmopolitan
RSI: not bad

crushed....

It's 'crushes' day over at LustBites and here's mine... surprise, surprise...