from the sublime to the ridiculous

Nice hair, shame about the face...

After yesterday's divine pic of Vincent, here's something far less heavenly. It's hairdo day, and here's my barnet, all freshly bleached and trimmed by the wonderful Anne! Very daringly, this is a no makeup shot... as will be abundantly obvious... but at least I'm smiling like a human being [almost] and only a few of my chins are on show!

--
Telly: UK Documentary
Chocolate: Tesco Milk with Hazelnut
Mood: okay
Writing: not yet
Reading: Cosmopolitan
RSI: not bad

crushed....

It's 'crushes' day over at LustBites and here's mine... surprise, surprise...

The Film that started It All...

IMDb

Well, it didn't actually start everything to do with my writing career... That's down to a certain pop video that I loved at the time, but would never own up to being inspired by now...

But my first ever published novel, Adventures in the Pleasurezone owes a lot to the magnificent 1983 sci-fi masterpiece BRAINSTORM. Basically, it's a story about the development of a virtual reality technology that can record a person's experiences and emotions in order that they can be played back, and 'lived' again by another person. It sounds a techie sort of film, and in some ways it is, but it's also a powerfully emotional movie that explores issues of spirituality and consciousness and the way visionary scientists can have their magnificent breakthroughs exploited and ****ed over by vested interests, the military and The Man in general. It also has a very sweet and poignant love story at the heart of it, that's made even more touching because the actress who's a part of it, the very fine Natalie Wood, died just before the film was completed. It also stars one of my all time favourite actors, Christopher Walken, who looks so young in this that he's almost angelic. In fact he's called 'angel' at one stage in the proceedings. If you ever get a chance to see this movie on the telly or on DVD, give it a whirl and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

The way it inspired me was that I too took up the theme of virtual reality and applied it to an erotic scenario in Adventures... although my VR machine had one or two attachments that weren't employed in Dr Michael Anthony Brace's apparatus in Brainstorm! LOL! But basically, it explored the creation of fantasy sensual worlds that could be experienced as 'real'...

VR is a theme I've sort of returned to in TechnoGothic too, which is why I've been revisiting Brainstorm. My Alexander Graves is a sort of darkly dramatic, damaged, millionaire ex playboy version of Dr Brace... A brilliant, glamorous polymath who now hides himself away, obsessing over arcane computer code and esoteric electronics and experiencing the world via his own exotic creation...

--
Telly: Brainstorm, obvously
Chocolate: Tesco Swiss Plain
Mood: okay
Writing: editing IllMet
Reading: nothing
RSI: not bad

Suite Seventeen..... at Amazon.co.uk!!!!

It's listed!

Suite Seventeen - at Amazon.co.uk

They've spelt my name wrong... because they've got the info from Amazon.com, and they spelt it wrong at first too... but hey, it's now available for pre-order for those who must have access to *my* Valentino ASAP!

christmas... again...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm whining again... But I'm angry with myself more than anything. I wish I didn't feel so negatively about Christmas prep. I want to feel a warm seasonal glow of love for my fellow men and women... I want to give gifts and send cards and make people happy with my efforts. I want to think about the deeper significance... feel goodwill to all and remember what the Christmas season is all about...

But it's just making me crazy, and I hate myself for that. I wrote a handful of cards today, and ordered two or three presents online, and it seemed to take up the whole day. How can that happen? I ended up with my head just spinning and my brain fuzzed. And no work done!

I'm going to have to generate a more positive attitude to Christmas though... I'm going to have to relax and enjoy it all! At the rate I'm going, people may not get their cards and pressies in time for the actual day, but that doesn't mean I don't care for them... and then at least they'll have a gift or a good wish turning up in the days after Christmas, when they might be feeling a bit of an anti climax after the festivities of the main event. Hopefully...

Anyway, seeing as it's all crap here, you'd best nip over to the LustBites blog. We need a few readers to post on the current topic, 'cos at the moment it's still a bit incestuous with only us authors commenting on each others' comments!!! The topic today is Work... yeah, I know, yawn, but it's not like that at all. It's all about what job you'd like the heroes and heroines of the books you read to have... So make some suggestions mebbe, eh? And in terms of jobs us authors have had, some of the girls have had some fun jobs in the past, and *lots* of them. Not like yours truly who has had two non writing, non web design jobs and they were both crap. Being a librarian drove me mad. Literally. And being a clerk in Local Government drove me mad with rage most of the time... even though I did meet some nice folk in both those jobs.

Any road up, nip over if you feel so inclined... And say hello to your humble servant, PDC! :)

--

Telly: Tango, Carlos Saura : Brainstorm [best film evah]
Chocolate: Lindt Swiss Milk and cake
Mood: bonkers
Writing: edited two paragraphs of IllMet
Reading: nothing, me brain won't work
RSI: not too bad

panic attack

Woke up feeling moderately okay this morning [apart from the fact that our part time cat Tilly woke me up about 5am, dancing on my head, trying to get me to get up and feed him!] but mid morning, I had a sort of panic attack...

Too much going on, that's it, and my pathetic multi tasking skills just aren't up to the job. I just freaked out and had to just lie down and watch the telly... my brain just wouldn't work. Tuned into UK History, and just vegged out to it, levering myself up now and again to swig a bit of tea...

Feel better now, mainly due to the therapy of doing a little bit of work on IllMet... It's not the greatest writing in the world, but I found myself sort of 'interested' in it during the read back, despite its many glaring flaws. Even though it's only a few weeks since I finished the first draft, I'd almost completely forgotten what happened in it, so it's quite exciting to see how the story goes!

--
Telly: The Life of Birds
Chocolate: cake instead
Mood: weird, sort of panicky and troubled
Writing: editing IllMet
Reading: not at the moment
RSI: not too bad

Help... it's nearly Christmas!!!

© Maria Brzostowska - FOTOLIA

Alas, this is not a piccie of all the lovely pressies I have packed and ready to send to people for Christmas... because basically, I haven't packed any pressies for Christmas yet. I haven't even bought most of them! I don't know what's happened in the last few months, the days have flown and flown by and I don't really know what I've done with them... apart from write a bit. For ages it was 'oh there's months yet...' and suddenly now, it's just over a couple of weeks to Christmas and I'm in a flat spin. In past years, I've always loved to peruse the many charity catalogues that arrive, and choose gifts from them. Sort of to salve my conscience for being such a thoroughly self centered bitch queen all the time. At least that way I was doing a bit of good at the festive season... but this year I've left it far too late, and will now have to call on the services of dear old Amazon and the delectable Hotel Chocolat, both of whom will wrap and deliver the pressie direct to the recipient. It's a lazy way to do things... and I know other people will have spent many hours wrapping their gifts and investing personal time in their preparation... which is part of the gift itself... but I think it's the only way I'm going to be able to cope at this late stage.

But I promise to do better next year! Next year, I will think ahead, plan ahead, and choose gifts ahead from all my favourite charities. In fact, I will make sorting out Christmas ahead of time one of my NY resolutions!!!

CEotFK

This is most unusual... Note position of Kuffer's tail.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

for so many reasons...

• yesterday was more or less a bust, writingwise...
• think a bit cockup has been made in respect of something I posted yesterday, resulting in the loss of a chunk of money
• the crappy weather and stress factors are making every bit of my body ache... again...
• Christmas is looming and I've done next to nothing towards it...
• Yahoo went weird yesterday, resulting in lost posts...
• all my other email addresses seem to be f-ed up too, resulting in me never knowing whether important emails have got to their destinations...

On the writing-bust-wise front... Have started some editing on IllMet and really, the first chapter is a pile of horse dollop! It's bad. Just bad. Dead and wooden as can be. And I know why. I 'translated' it from an old bit of first person writing I did, like, years ago and as the original bit was poor, the new version is poor too. Think I may have to print this bit off, read it, then rip it out of the MS completely and rewrite the whole first scene. I'm starting to have doubts about the whole opus, actually... The usual story... I have this horrible fear that my writing isn't 'intelligent' enough... isn't 'special' enough... Both those barbs have been aimed at me in the past... The first right at the beginning of my career when some pretentious git in an erotica mail order catalogue deemed that my first ever book wasn't 'intelligent' writing.... Well, up yours buster! The mail order business soon disappeared and I'm still here! The second was when my long suffering agent was trying to place my one and only attempt at a women's mainstream novel, and an editor somewhere said that my writing was good, but the book 'just wasn't special enough'... well, I think she was right, to be honest. In fact I know she was right. It was pretty much a 'nothing' idea... Mainstream is way beyond my scope... You need big ideas, and a fair degree of confidence, to launch into that arena, and I don't have either... There are some writing things I'm quite good at, when I'm 'in the zone', but generally I'm only too aware of my limitations.

I sometimes wonder if I should actually ignore my limitations though... approach my writing as if I sincerely believe that I'm a freaking genius and nothing I do can possibly be wrong... and just get carried along on the wave of my own self belief [importance]? What do you think? Is it worth a shot? LOL

Today I'm at...

LUST BITES - the spiffing new blog for Black Lace authors and other Virgin Publishing reprobates!

oh, it's not happening today!

Jeepers, I can't get off the blocks today with any kind of constructive, writing type activity. It's nearly 11.30am and I've done jack shit as my beloved American buddies would say. Well, not exactly nothing... really... I've actually:

• sent the partial of TechnoGothic to my lovely, lovely critique partner
• trawled Amazon for a few possible Christmas pressies
• thrown out a few mags and catalogues, although not, alas, anything from the Everest of assorted crud beside my bed
• sent a few emails
• replied to a few emails

Today, I ought to be getting on with an editing pass of IllMet... but me being me, I'm scared to look at it in case it's just pooh. I think reading all that sparkling debate on women's erotica yesterday has made me feel a bit thick again [still]... I'm not a great one for analysis of what I write, how I write, or why I write. Except, the latter, slightly... I write because I can, a bit, and because I like to please people and share my some of my fanciful ideas with them [and also the fact that I occasionally do manage to actually have an idea!] and because it's nice to earn a little bit of money for doing something that's not for The Man. I mostly write stuff that comes purely from my instincts and that sort of 'feels good'. It's as simple as that. No technique, no subtexts, no allusions, no commentary, no challenging or testing or dazzling the reader with stylistic pyrotechnics... just something to entertain. A bit of magic, if I can manage it, although not usually of the actual supernatural kind. Lurrve... Mischief... I don't know...

Ack, I'm starting to fuzz up my brain! This always happens when I try to get serious for a minute... Think I need to dash over to Cute Overload or Catster and look at pictures of appealing puddycats and/or baby wabbits. :)

ps. here's a fun thing if you're trying to avoid work!

--
Telly: nothing yet
Chocolate: Tesco Dark with Espresso
Mood: disorganised
Writing: nowt, yet
Reading: Amazon book descriptions
RSI: not bad

100th post!

This is my 100th post on this blog! Soon racked 'em, didn't I?

Bit of a mixed day today. I've finished a pass of TechnoGothic, and I'm in a quandary as to whether I do another... it might benefit from another edit, but then again, I might have reached critical mass and any further tinkering may result in the text losing all it's life and become wooden and overworked...

So instead, I did some tidying up on the synopsis of IllMet... Ack, I hate synopses! But this one needed work. It was filled with such gems as 'Lois and Robin bonk' and 'Lois goes for a walk and sees a funny looking hare'... Need to buff the thing up a bit and fill it with a smattering of more editor-enticing phraseology!

Speaking of editors, I've spent a lot of the afternoon here. Some excellent discourse, although it all got a bit too intellectual towards the end for this entertainer... found myself glazing over and reaching for The Sun when folk started bandying the Marquis de Sade and Susan Sontag about. LOL!

--
Telly: The Ballerina and the Blues
Chocolate: Tesco Dark with Espresso
Mood: okay
Writing: synopsis - Ill Met By Moonlight
Reading: Radio Times
RSI: not bad