things are looking up a bit...

Well, as I said in a comment below, I think I might have turned a corner away from a lot of the doom or gloom...

For a start, my neck's eased up a lot now. Still a bit twingey, but not excruciatingly painful any more when I try to look up, down or to the sides. If I'm careful, I reckon it'll be back to normal in a few days.

Still got a bit of cold, but don't feel quite as grotty as I did, and because my neck feels better, I can handle the viral stuff better.

On the home front, the supremely practically gifted himself has managed to fix both the central heating and the water heater. The only delay has been sourcing the parts, and the fact that himself has a demanding day job that takes up many hours and he has to do work on our gaff in the evenings. Of course, we could have paid British Gas or some plumber... but we know how much work is involved in these sorts of jobs, and we ain't paying silly money to someone else to do them.

One of the biggest things that's been worrying me is the frozen inertia on the writing front. I've been grappling and grappling with vague fragments of stories but nothing's been coming together as a real idea. It's all been like a nasty, murky soup of half baked notions and no real plot. So, being frozen, I've done nothing... and the longer I've done nothing, the worse I've felt. And the harder it's been to think straight about ideas... so... round and round and round again in a negative spiral.

But today, with heat and hot water and a less painful neck etc, I've been able to see things in a more positive light. I haven't actually started writing a new book or novella, but I did do a little necessary work on an older novella for which the proposal is 'out there'... my critique partner had made a great suggestion for improving the reader's perception of the hero, but I hadn't got around to doing it... but today I added a few paras that I really liked and which showed the hero in a more sympathetic light.

And I've been thinking about, and analyzing my dilemmas over new ideas for my regular publisher. Basically the books have now to be erotic romances... and therefore have to conform to reader expectations for romance ie. happily ever after, and in general, sexual exclusivity for the main hero/heroine couple. [yes, I know some people do write romantic menages, but I'm not sure that'd work for me] So, this cuts out a whole raft of writing variations, ones that work fine in erotica, but not in erotic romance. And then there's a further complication... feedback I've been getting is that the kinkier, twisted stuff is just not doing so well. Which cuts out yet another area where I do well as a writer... it's what I'm actually mildly good at writing!!! For other writers these restrictions might not be a problem... because they've got innovative, viable, high concept plot ideas to fall back on. But I haven't... my writing is of the plotless wonder variety, depending almost entirely on characterisation, emotions, situations rather than plots, and intense often pervy eroticism... so basically, with these 'cutbacks', I'm in a bit of a pickle!!!

However, today, I've just started thinking in a more romance frame of mind. Pulling together story bits that I'd thought of using for purely romance novels, but which could be given a more sexy treatment that flows naturally from the relationship... Storylines that probably wouldn't work for the category romances I once tried to write, but which might work for a grown up erotic romance that doesn't have to have a particular type of alpha hero etc etc... Which is paradoxically, a liberating concept rather than a restricting one. It's early days, but I've raced down a few brief notes for a plotline, and instead of going for a high concept location ie. exotic, paranormal, metro... I might write it from a small town perspective... because I live in a small town. I might even set it in a small town in the borough where some of my other books are set. It won't quite be in that 'universe' - because that's a pretty twisted perv universe - but there might be places where this new story could intersect safely with that world.

Sorry if that seems like an ill thought out ramble, but I had to sort of get it down and use this blog as a sounding board for myself... and at least I'm making up for the paucity of entries here lately...

--
Telly: Bear Grylls survival thing
Chocolate: excellence selection!!!
Mood: better
Writing: bit of editing, bit of planning
Reading: various notes
RSI/FMS: bit sore, not too bad

still beset by it all...

Still ill, still unable to write or do much of anything... but himself has fixed the water heater, so at least something's improving...

And in an effort to perk myself up, I've ordered myself a Happy Easter Egg from Hotel Chocolat...

insult to injury

And it's not just that I feel poorly... Domestic malfunctions at Chez Portia are adding to the aggravation too... On Sunday afternoon, both the central heating and the water heater decided to pack up! So, no heat, no hot water... This is really the best time to have to cavort around the house with heavy pans of hot water, having a big crick in my neck... yeah!

Fortunately, himself is on the case, and should be able to fix the above mentioned appliances once he's sourced the parts. Hopefully he'll get some of the bits today, and get hot water back on tap within the next 24 hours. It's very, very useful having a chap around who knows how to mend more or less everything!

Sorry to seem such a downer... it's really quite funny in a grim sort of way that everything seems to go wrong at once. I suppose I could cite all this crap as my excuse for not writing, but it isn't really... I'm just in a state of writer's bleck at the moment. I can't focus my ideas, and even when I try to, those ideas are so bitty and stupid that I just give up on them. And everywhere I go, writers seem to be blossoming with ideas and they all sound like great ones... and here I am futzing around with scraps of horse plop that make no sense, or have been done a zillion times before and a gazillion times better by other authors.

--
Telly: UK History
Chocolate: Nestle Heaven
Mood: peed off
Writing: nil
Reading: the labels on medicines
RSI/FMS: back neck

silence isn't golden

Sorry I've been silent, but bronchitis and a trapped nerve in my neck are making life difficult and wearisome...

But I did receive a lovely review for Gothic Blue that has cheered me up no end!

‘Packed with sex and kink, this is a novel that still retains a mysterious and powerful air. A hint of the supernatural is mixed with a fun gothic setting as a tale of intertwining romances is told by Da Costa with aplomb. A highly recommended novel’ ~ Erotic Trade Only Magazine – Issue 44 March 07

the thyroid kid

Well, just heard from the vet, and it's *definitely* an over active thyroid that's been causing Kuffer's weight loss and other symptoms. All his other blood results are normal. So this is very good news, as thyroid conditions can be treated, and in other areas, he's in good health for his age. He's got to go on some tablets for a couple of weeks [which should be interesting to say the least as he's impossible to 'handle' that way...] and then be assessed for thyroid surgery. Looks like the old credit card will be taking some hammer in the near future, but hell, it's worth it if my darling furry lad is going to be okay!

In other news, I think I've got a minor chest infection of some kind, and that's what's making me feel so crappy. Feel tired and under par and my chest feels awfully raw and congested... sounds like it's going around though, as both my critique partner and my agent are also suffering... although they both sound to be worse off than me.

Feeling rough isn't conducive to creative and original thought though... and I'm still struggling with ideas. Or lack of them... I have few bits and pieces bobbing about, but no solid, big, good to go plot ideas. They all seem to require huge amounts of fudging and forcing and contrivance to make them even remotely viable. I think my big problem is that as I try and 'work' these ideas, I'm constantly hearing what the future snarky reviews of them might eventually be... because astute readers can always pick up on plot weaknesses and the fact that stories have had to be 'mangled' rather than just developing naturally.

--
Telly: Tale of a Vampire
Chocolate: Nestle Heaven Milk Truffle
Mood: mixed
Writing: idea brainstorming
Reading: Jeremy Clarkson - Born to be Riled
RSI/FMS: so so

he's doing great, I feel like cr*p

Here's Kuffer again, having a nice kip. He's on good form today, happy and cheerful and having eaten plenty of breakfast. No gurgly tummy either. I'm feeling much more optimistic about his prospects today, hoping that the blood test pinpoints the thyroid probs, and a suitable treatment can quickly begin.

Me, I feel terrible! I had a gruesomely broken night's sleep! Not worrying about Kuffer, really, but with my mind churning and turning about writing. Last night, aware that I've got the first draft of Buddies done, and both my agent and my editor are asking for new ideas, I decided I had to start thinking of some... A bloody sight easier said than done! Idea finding [and plotting] are my hugest problems, and last night was no exception. I lay awake for an age, turning bits and pieces over in my mind, and nothing but nothing transpired. Everything was either :

1. stupid
2. too fragmentary, not a real story
3. I've bloody well done the same idea before... at least once

I couldn't pull anything together, and none of the vague bits were even worth writing down they were so poor. But, my mind continued to churn... and I kept waking up, almost every hour, with it still fruitlessly churning. I eventually fell asleep and ended up dreaming that I was managing a large, British country estate for absentee owner, Kevin Costner! And everything was in uproar because he was finally coming to visit... Go figure! He turned up and seemed quite friendly, then the dream morphed into a kind of posing contest between two rival drag queens, one of whom might have been Bernadette from Priscilla Queen of the Desert. Then I woke up...

None of the above was in the slightest bit useful for a novel idea, but when I was in the bathroom - as ever - some more useful fragments began to coalesce... it's still bitty, but some sort of rudimentary story idea is germinating, I think. Although it's still pretty daft, and it'll probably come to nothing... I also had one or two possible extra plotty bit ideas for an existing story. Although that too, is very vague and very slight, as yet...

Gosh, I don't half wish I was one of these writers I keep encountering on boards and lists who say they have a constant stream of ideas for books pouring into their heads!!! So many they can't write them all... Maybe I should offer to buy some of these ideas from author friends who have an embarrassment of idea riches???

--
Telly: CSI
Chocolate: Tesco Belgian Milk
Mood: OK
Writing: just a few ideas
Reading: Radio Times
RSI/FMS: not too bad

latest on Kuffer

Well, we're recently back from the vet, and the doc suspects that Kuffer may have an over active thyroid. The gland in enlarged, and his general symptoms are consistent with that problem. He's had a blood test, and we'll have results in the next couple of days, and we'll take it from there. It could be an operation, or medical intervention.

This is a relief, actually, as I was fearing that Kuffer might have the same condition as Boy, who died last September. But it seems not.

Will keep you all posted on Kuffer's condition... but you'll be pleased to know he's cheery in himself and has been eating.

worried

Well, I was going to post saying how pleased I was with my progress yesterday on Buddies, and how helpful I'd found the chatroom challenges I've been taking part in are... but the shine has been taken off that to a large extent by my current worries about Kuffer.

For a few weeks we've been noticing that he seemed to have lost a little weight, but he's been happy and contented in himself, and eating okay, so we just marked that down as something to raise with the vet on his next six monthly trip for his Program injection. However, I was woken up this morning by the sound of his tummy gurgling... really loudly. His tum has gurgled a bit now and again, but so do the tums of the other cats occasionally, and so does mine! So didn't think too much about it really... But this gurgling is loud and it's been going on since around 6.30am... He's also not eaten anything, and has been restless... so I've v. concerned about him. He's sixteen years old, so naturally, we're watchful with a cat of his age. Fortunately, his Program visit is actually tonight, so at least we were already going to the vets today, and this won't be another, extra, stressful visit for him...

Please have a good thought for my furry little lad.

another reprint in the works... hopefully...

I've just been exchanging a few emails with my editor about another reprint of one of my books that's in the works. This time it's my 2000 title HOTBED... He needs a refresh about some details about the characters' appearance in order to come up with a suitable cover image, so I was flicking back through the manuscript, looking for clues. To my dismay, I'd forgotten a lot of what happens in this book, and the fine detail of most of the characters in it, but one thing jumps out at me in that it's yet another book of mine with a cross dressing character in it!

I really must have a think for blokes in frocks... but I really don't understand what the psychology of this fascination is... It's happened a number of times though in my books. Each time though the cross dressing lad is also *very* masculine and alpha... They all love women, and they're all devastatingly attractive in their normal male clothing... and out of it. I seem to like to create this certain breed of very bold and experimental men who don't feel constrained by the usual gender 'rules' when it comes to expressing themselves. A sort of 'Sod it, why *can't* I have fun with gorgeous clothes and makeup?' attitude....

The best real world example of this is the fabulous comedian and actor Eddie Izzard.

I'm afraid I don't know andything about Eddie's private life, so I don't know what his sexual orientation is, but he doesn't come across as effeminate to me. He seems very much like a supremely intelligent and imaginative man who enjoys experimenting with beautiful clothing and makeup and making himself look great, regardless of gender. At least that's how I perceive him.

What do you think?

Sort Out Sunday

Unlikely as it seems, this represents some progress. Many black trash bags have already been filled... But obviously, there's a long, long way to go with this major project!

I think this was a given... cakewise...

You Are a Chocolate Cake

Fun, comforting, and friendly. You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality. People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

Another poll...

Get Free Opinion Polls

It's a bit similar to one I had before, but with more detail... I'd just like to know what readers want... So I can give it to them!!!! :)