back to normal...

Well, I didn't quite achieve the mighty 3K words total of Saturday today... That was a one off, and v. unusual, and a recipe for exploding wrists if maintained for too long... I did manage to keep up to the 1K average though, which is a.good.thing. Unfortunately, today's 1K was probably a tranche of some of the most unmitigated twoddle I've ever written, as I was just bashing ahead at something I wasn't quite sure about... an experiment, really. But at least some writing is better than no writing, and everything editable, even if it is rampant claptrap... and... oh, talk about purple prose... This stuff was positively imperial. You could fashion Caligula's toga from it!

And thanks to everyone who admired my little cover... it is pretty, innit? Those eyes... those glorious eyes... mmmm....

not sulking... but working!

No, I wasn't in a big sulk yesterday. The reason I didn't post was because I was busy being a proper writer, or trying to... and *finishing* draft #1 of Ill Met By Moonlight!!!!

Yep, I finished the sucker, and I'm mighty pleased with myself about that. It's only really taken me around 30 days to finish it, and that's even allowing for some days when I have actually been sulking and not producing any work... Granted the final scene and the epilogue are a bit of a dog's breakfast of bodgery, but I'm sure I can smoothe things out and improve them in the editing.

Anyway, to celebrate this mighty achievement, while I was waiting for himself to get ready to go out last night, I designed a faux cover for my little novella... and here it is!

a funny few days

It's been a funny few days, battling with low energy levels, low confidence levels and low enthusiasm levels due to being a bit fibro at the moment, I think.

Not too much progress in the last two or three days, either, on Ill Met By Moonlight... I love my little novella in some ways, and I love my characters, especially pretty, but big and butch Robin, but sometimes it's tough to motivate oneself sometimes when you're writing into the wind like this.

I'm in that mood where just the tiniest fragment of good news would kick start me into high gear again, and high enthusiasm, but I feel like a weak ninny that I need this kind of incentive. Some writers work hard, work good, and work focused for years on end when they're carving their way bravely towards publication. They pay their dues, they keep on going, learning, improving all the time, and they don't whinge like babies, the way I do, just for 'rewards'. They just hang in there and keep working. Of course some writers just seem to stroll into success... they happen on an editor who gets them fairly quickly, and they don't have to suffer the agonies and indignities of those years of rejections and striving...

I think I sort of steered a middle path on my way to publication. I did have several years of rejections when I first started, and when I was trying to write category romance. And, I did manage to stay motivated and keep trying and trying and sending in manuscripts... so in that way, I paid my dues and worked into the wind. However, when I started writing more erotic stuff, I didn't have to wait too long for publication... Those were the early days of Black Lace when the books were often very lushly romantic, and I fitted in quite well, having come from romance in the first place. But fashions change, and markets change, and editors change, as is normal in publishing, and my style of writing wasn't wanted for a while... until, by accident, I realised that it was wanted again, if I played to my strengths and wrote erotic, pervy, a tiny bit dark, but also still romantic and a bit on the wry side...

But the problem is, despite this, I'm still basically old school, and in writing, as in other things, that which is 'new and fresh' is often what's preferred.... and those of us who've been around a bit have to work ten times as hard just to keep pace! Especially when you're in a genre that's in the middle of a boom, and there are dozens, nay hundreds, nay, possibly, thousands of hungry and talented authors all striving to win those prized publication slots.

Gosh, it's no wonder an old bird like me feels tired, innit?

right on the money... but the mark *could* be higher!

You Are 87% Angry

You are a very angry person - and you might not realize it. While you may think that you're bitter, depressed, or bad tempered... What you're really feeling is anger. While you may not need anger management, you may need some therapy!

How Angry Are You?

I knew it!

You Are 68% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at high risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is very likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

an illustration...

Despite feeling some enthusiasm for my WIP, and generally, I still feel out of humour in a lot of ways. I must have prepared a dozen different posts in my head this morning, but I can't post any of them because a] they're negative, and that's boring and b] if I posted any one of them it would surely come back to bite me in the bottom in a mighty big styley! But the following, while by no means a direct parallel of what I'm feeling, does at least give a flavour of some of it...

Every morning I cycle for around 30 mins on my static cycle in order to keep the aforesaid bottom from swelling to the size of the planet Jupiter. I almost always watch a DVD while I'm cycling, and yesterday, I slipped UNDERWORLD into the slot, and hopped into the saddle. After about two minutes I thought "F*** this s***!', hopped off again, put LITTLE WOMEN into the player... and I felt a whole lot better!!!

Mmmmm.... Christian Bale with floppy hair and in olde worlde clothes... yum!

*And* Eric Stoltz!

high romance

I think I've made some good progress today. Writing has been good therapy against the things that are currently vexing me. I've raced along with Ill Met By Moonlight and managed a good 1.2K words.

I'm getting stuck into the big relationship climax now, the crisis... It's going to be quite wither wringing, fraught with emotion and potential loss. It's paranormal, of course, but I'm keeping the paranormal elements light, quite undefined. I don't want heavy mythos getting in the way of the love story, but I do want mystery and a tantalising otherworldliness that adds - hopefully - to the poignancy. Have been thinking a lot about this story in the last few hours, and I've realised that, at a pinch, if I had to take the sex out of it, the story would probably stand as it is with gentler sensuality and non explicit lovemaking.

However, those who like the superhot PDC stuff needn't worry... I'm not taking out the sex! I'm just complementing the heat with high romance and lots of emotional punch... :)

positive thinking

I'm going to think positive today, and avoid things that put me in a downward spiral of negativity and anger. Yesterday started out well... but deteriorated. I managed to do my 1K words, but I wasn't entirely happy with them, to be honest. The writing felt a bit 'forced'. Now this isn't too much of a disaster, as it can always be worked on and 'lifted' in the editing, so wasn't too bummed about it. Also managed to get one or two bits of other stuff done, webby and otherwise... so a fairly productive day. Spent a fair bit of time trying to sort out some excerpts to enter for a competition... Now this was a vexing task in several ways...

1. I kept seeing things I would have written differently now...
   
2. the excerpts had to be v. short and my scenarios develop gradually a lot of the time
3. I don't think I have a cat made of snow's chance in hell of winning in any of the categories so it's a fruitless exercise anyway

Still, I might post some of the bits and pieces I've chosen at Portia's Prose sooner or later. I must warn gentle readers however that these excerpts are v. rude and contain many v. rude words!

Later on yesterday, though, something happened that put me in a right old 'machete' mood again, and I'm afraid that stayed with me for the rest of the day and even caused me to lose sleep, despite my medication.

But today, and from henceforth, I'm going to ignore the thing as best I can and not let it get to me. Today I will be :

• doing 1K words
• doing web work
• sorting out more excerpts
• entering contests
• attempting to avoid wrath and instead embracing calmness and a shell of invulnerable tranquility [hah!]

Wish me luck!

the view from 'me'...

The laptop is... er... on my lap. Which is where The Tillster would be if the lappie wasn't there.

The black 'bit' in the bottom right is Kuffer.

let's have a good laugh then, shall we?

Always mindful that photos of me that appear online are mostly several years old, I post here for your delectation and high amusement, a photo taken yesterday! The horrible truth, captured for posterity by himself...

Laugh away!

plugging away...

The writerly life seems to be slow going and uphill at the moment. I seem to be playing a waiting game on various fronts, and generally stagnating... It's hard to stay motivated, but I'm trying to keep plugging away at my WIP, even if I don't feel inspired, and there's some comfort, I think in exhibiting at least a bit of dogged determination in the face of not much happening at all. I'm in that mood where one little crumb of positive news would probably make all the difference to me, but I'm in the middle of a stagnant lake and the crumbs just aren't floating my way...

Ill Met By Moonlight is progressing slowly. I've got to a tricky bit now, where Lois has to face the fact that there's something slightly hokey in the state of Robin... It's the awkward place where my familiar contemporary erotic romance style has to collide with the unfamilar paranormal romance aspect of the book and mesh together as a story. So, I'm slightly out of my comfort zone, and it's tough going! I think the only way is to keep on keeping on in my normal voice... Lois has to say, okay, you're not really human, but you're still a hot stud, so let's ****! Which has the pitfall of making her in danger of seeming, infamously, 'too stupid to live'... But what else can I do? A real person faced with a man who changes from an animal into a chap at the blink of an eye would be to run for her car, put the pedal to the metal and go, go, go! Even if she *does* love him... But no, I've gotta make it seem believable that she'd stay around and shag him!

For me, squaring paranormal with my natural contemporary inclinations means facing the uphill task of making a total lack of common sense seem acceptable, believable, and likeable!

eek, agh!

I might be a bit quiet here over the next two or three days... I just looked at my to do list and it's the stuff of nightmares!!!

Why the hell does everything land in my inbox at once? And always when I finally manage to connect with my WIP again?

I'll try and drop in between bouts of tearing my hair and bouncing off the walls!