F*&%! S£$%!

Life had to come back and bite me a big one in the butt, didn't it?

Was riding high in my dream, on Anais's comment and the achievements of yesterday, and naturally that means that everything has to go wrong today. It's 10.30am, I'm not dressed and I'm in such a state of high anxiety that I could burst into tears at any second and have already had such a major yelling fit with myself that the cats are cowering. Basically...

• I foolishly misunderstood some instructions given to me, and a minor disaster nearly happened. Fortunately, I think I've been able to catch the error and someone is dealing with it...
• Worse, it seems that I am subconsciously rewriting scenes from my earlier books. My agent has just read an older book of mine, and wonders if I lifted a scene straight out of it to put in a more recent one... Now I swear on my cats' lives that I haven't done such a thing. I wouldn't dream of it... but it's very possible that I have written quite a similar scene without even realising it. Which is very, very depressing, as it just goes to show how very limited I am in the ideas department. I feel quite cast down about this now...

Writers out there... has anything like the above happened to you? Have you inadvertently written a similar scene in two different books?

Or is it just me who's a useless ageing hack who's run out of ideas and who should just pack it in? :(

a good day... and night...

Now yesterday was a better day...

First of all, I managed to do 1.2K of IllMet, and managed to get as far as a quite filmic scene that I've had in my mind for what must be years now, ever since Robin morphed from my previous fantasy hero [Spike] into my current one [Bobby Goren]... The way I've written it now is probably v. different from the way I had it planned originally, but I think it's worked, it was fun to write, and it's moving me on v. nicely with the plot. Maybe we'll finally get to some horizontal action where the heroine is actually awake now!!!

The second thing was that yesterday evening I was touched and awed to read a truly heartwarming comment left by a reader and prepublished writer called Anais, on my Myspace Profile. My ebook Lessons and Lovers really struck a chord with her, and she was kind enough to post a long comment expressing her enjoyment in the book. She also posted about it on the Romantic Times message boards too, which was totally brilliant of her. It really warms my heart when somebody likes my writing enough to take the trouble to express their feelings. Even though I've been writing since the dinosaurs roamed, because I'm crap a promo, I probably don't get as many reviews and plaudits as a lot of authors who've come to prominence recently. So the ones I do get mean the absolute world to me - because a lot of the time, I have the most terrible doubts about the quality of my writing and storytelling and what have you... I might rabbit on with enthusiasm in my blog about my characters, but just because they seem alive and wonderful in my head, that doesn't mean my feelings about them necessarily translate onto the page in a form that others can enjoy... so when I hear that I got it right for a reader, I always feel totally over the moon!

So, many thanks, Anais! You made my day!

And that's only the start of it... I had a Vincent D'Onofrio dream, didn't I?

It went like this... I was on holiday somewhere, and Vin was working in the same town/city/whatever. I was in this big building, and upstairs, he was having a row with his agent about some film role or something, and I saw him storm out into the street. Obviously, seeing my hero, I followed [eek, I'm a stalker!] and though I was able to keep him in sight for a while, I lost him eventually and was rather disappointed. Anyway, I was standing under what I think was a bus shelter, and suddenly Vin jumped down from the roof of it and said 'Hello!' [this was actually inspired by my filmic moment in IllMet, I think...] He seemed v. pleased to see me for some reason, and took me by the arm and led me back to the building, where he was now about to do a scene in a hospital drama. I think I hung around there talking to him for a while, but eventually I had to go, and he grabbed me in his arms and gave me a very thorough kiss! He was holding me v. close and I was left in no doubt that I'd made a big impression on him!!! After that, we parted, but there seemed to be some intimation that we'd meet again... and then I woke up, alas.

Now if I could dream the next installment of this little saga tonight, I'd be a very, very happy person indeed!

virtuous... moi?

I am being very good today, and I have held off making my first web post of the day until I'd done 1K words of my WIP! Considering my pathetic record over the weekend, I thought it was the least I could do... Trouble is, now I've done a K, it's like a license to prat about for the rest of the day. A true professional, or just someone hungry to succeed, would now proceed to do a few more K... but me, I'll probably rest and watch some NCIS or just have a sleep.

Anyway, at least I've managed to get Robin and Lois to actually meet at last... Up until now, it's either been her 'dreaming' about him or him keeping her under his surveillance... while he's in another form. Now, finally, they're meeting and they're both human and real... well, at least for the moment, in Robin's case. The next thing is, now I've managed to get them together at last, I've got to get them into some kind of hot, rumpo type action situation... tee hee...

Words done so far today: 1297

disturbing... but also v. good!!!

http://www.myheritage.com

A disturbing result in that I look like as many men as women... but look who clocks in at #9!!!

irresponsible Saturday

I am bad. For two days, I've done virtually no writing. Friday, well, I suppose I have an excuse as I did have a busy day doing some much needed housework, and I did manage a hundred or so words... But yesterday, I was freaking useless! I managed to send a few emails that were needed, but most of the day I spent mucking about with my MySpace Profile and making silly slideshows and playing with various other web widgets and squidgets. I suppose this is both the blessing and the curse of broadband. It makes 'playing about' so much easier, because back when I was on dialup, the slow connection speed made most of the nice toys virtually unusable. But now I can give full reign to my procrastination skills and fondness for displacement activities. Damn!

Today, in the UK, we have an 'extra hour' due to the clocks being set back an hour for winter. I'm trying not to waste the extra time, and I have indeed done a tiny bit of writing so far, but I've got the worrying niggle of a gathering headache at the moment and I'm hoping it's not one of the dreaded migraines...

I'm quite pleased with the little chunk I've just written though. I was at a point, in a scene, where I didn't know what to do, but I've found a way to get through it, and can now move on to a more interesting section... And the thing with a novella is that you really do bash through it quite quickly, it being so short! I've done about 30% already! Novellas are quite a special craft, and you have to work hard to 'get it all in' in such a short wordcount [25K in this case] but I can see why so many authors like writing them. There's potential for feeling a sense of achievement in a relatively short space of time. And when you've got the attention span of a fruit fly, like me, that is a very good thing!

Words done so far today: 804

look wot I made!

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

for Non-Working Monkey

Photographs of a garden... allegedly.

Non-Working Monkey's Garden

'home' day...

I've done no writing at all so far today, because it's been a 'home' type day. Which entails me making like a housey-house wife for the first time in a blue moon!

I admit it, I am the most disgusting undomesticated slut around the house, and have a high tolerance for disorder, clutter and grime. But every now and again, I think enough is enough, and I have a little 'do'... Not a great spring clean or anything, just a skim type clean up to stem the tide of the worst of the filth and grunge. So today I:

• sorted out a mountainous pile of *clean* washing and put it away
• did a major wash of dirty washing... the hamper was disturbingly full
• flung Zoflora all around the bathroom and toilet, plus scrubbed at things with those scrubby cloths that are advertised on the telly
• defrosted the fridge... needed it as the pong from himself's Camembert was doing my head in
• flicked a duster around in one or two places that actually show
• hoovered where I could get to ie. places not filled with clutter, and clutter that we are looking after for one of himself's mates
• did all oustanding washing up

My reward for all this activity was the central heating finally going on! Actually, I could have had it on a lot sooner, as the pilot light was still on from last year, so all it needed was the thermo turning up. Any road up, it's lovely and toasty warm now and I don't have to creep around like a Michelin man with about eight layers of clothes on. Yippee!

In other news... I don't half love Blogger Beta, but I think my sidebar is starting to get a bit mental. Because I can put widgets and squidgets there, I've just gone hog wild with them, and stuck in every thing but the kitchen sink... [might actually find a pic of a kitchen sink and put that there too!] I think eventually I might weed out a few things and streamline it a bit, but for the moment I'm loving the ability to add interesting things to the nav/sidebar. It's like being let out of prison after the measly limitations of Bravejournal [not to mention the ****ing ads you have to contend with there, even if you pay!]

Speaking of my sidebar, please have a go at voting in my poll of what sort of erotic romance you'd prefer me to write... I've only got one vote so far - and that's from me for 'kinky contemporary'!

Words done today: 190

paranormal issues

Am proceeding reasonably well, wordcountwise, with IllMet... but I'm also beginning to dwell on what it is about the idea of writing paranormal erotic romance that perplexes me. I find I'm writing too much story in proportion to the amount of sex. This seems to be the bugbear with paranormals to me, the 'paranormal tends to get in the way of the people'. Now if this were a paranormal romance, as opposed to a paranormal erotic romance... this would probably work better. But there has to be quite a lot of sex in one of these efforts, and so far I've spent much more time on the actual story and setup than I have on actual bonking or pervage. I'm really having to make an effort to get my characters into rumpo action... and it shouldn't be that way. It should be effortless, intrinsic, just there...

Anyway, I know I shouldn't really fret myself about it because this is just a first draft, a rough sketch, almost a cartoon for the oil painting [hah!] of the book. I'm just getting the bare bones down... there will be lots of opportunity for adding, subtracting, refining and enhancing. At this stage it is not.set.in.stone!!!

Words done today so far: 1315

it's this one, Val...

I see him sort of like this, only maybe a bit younger, and with gold streaked hair... The all black outfit really speaks to me somehow.

having blahed on yesterday

about not getting anything done until the late afternoon, I've broken my writing duck surprisingly early today. I started writing mid morning and have done a mini chunk of IllMet already! I'm in Robin's mind now... which is a bit weird, because I'm not really sure what he is! How does a creature think, who doesn't have an actual brain most of the time? I suppose as he's my creature, I can make up the rules, but I'm sure there'll be people out there, if this thing ever gets to print, who'll pick holes with my mythos, even if I've the one who's cooked it up!

At the moment, it's getting a bit introspecty, so we need to get a bit of action next, and preferably some sexy action, so Robin's got to finish with the thinky, thinky, thinky for a while and start doing something... or more probably doing somebody, either Lois or himself! LOL!

I think the inspiration for this early-for-me start came from an episode of Law and Order: Criminal Intent I've just been watching, courtesy of the wonderful, wonderful Eliza. It will come as no surprise to people that Robin is very much about.the.Divine.Vincent... although probably a younger and trimmer Vincent than the current version, and with slightly modified hair and eyes. I may post a pic soon that gives a sense of what Robin looks like, if not a truly accurate representation. I have the perfect one amongst my collection of 10x8's.

Words done so far today: 1275

[ps. forgot to mention... have my supernumerary feline visitor on the bed again today ie. Tilly... he was biting my laptop a bit ago, to try and get my attention, but at the moment he's settled down for a kip!]

a strange writing phenomenon

These last few days I've been experiencing a rather weird phenomenon in my writing method.

Basically, I've felt like crap all day, and done virtually nothing productive... and then around 5pm in the afternoon, I've started writing or editing. I think it's a case of desperation setting in, more than anything. The horror and disgust with myself for wasting yet another day just drives me into trying to write something, if only a teeny tad.

Today I've been mainly polishing my first chapter of Ill Met By Moonlight [working title of my paranormal thingoid] and adding one or two more refinements/quirks to Robin's personality and paraphysical characteristics. I've also begun a bit that's told from Lois's POV too, trying to introduce her and give the readers a sense of what kind of woman she is. In the original version scrap, she was a bit 'hard', but she's coming across as softer and more sympathetic - I hope - in this new take on the story. She's still quite sparky though, but in a gentler and more wry way.

Words done today: 1098