Monday, 12 February 2007

sorry for the gap

Yes, I really am... but I've been grappling with my proof checking and not feeling so great and generally frittering away time that could have been more productively spent... :(

Page proofs are great because you see the way the finished book is going to look, and it all makes it stunningly real... That mad idea that you thought was as thin as a wafer is suddenly an actual book, and when you read it, it almost seems as if somebody else wrote it.

Page proofs are nightmarish because you see things you wish you'd said a different way... and it's too late to change them. And, worse, you see inconsistencies that *HAVE* to be changed and you've got to work out how to do it with the least disruption to the text!!! Then there are things that niggle you, but could be left, and you have to have a fight with yourself as to whether you're going to ask for them changing... which involves big time decision making - which is one of the things I most hate and loathe in life. I HATE making decions!!!

I've also been feeling cruddy with my fibromyalgia, probably triggered by the stress of the proofs and by getting myself in a paddy over stupid things and stupid people which and whom I really shouldn't let bother me. I should just let it all flow over me, but it's not in my nature to do that. I niggle about every goddamn thing! And I get into cycles of negative thinking, which makes me depressed and anxious, which makes my FMS flare, and then I feel even worse than ever! Looking around on the web, I've been intrigued by something called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which is recommended highly for people like me... so I've ordered the For Dummies guide to it on Amazon. Even if it doesn't do anything for me, at least I can have a character who's into it in a book, can't I? Nothing's ever wasted...

On a brighter note, I may have some interesting publication news coming shortly. I'm more or less certain of it, given what I've read at a writing chum's blog... but I somehow daren't speak about it here until I hear some confirmation via my agent.

4 comments:

Saskia Walker said...

I so agree with you about the dualling emotions and proofing galleys! Just think, you're nearly there.

kristina lloyd said...

On that brighter note ... it's yours, it's in the bag! How frustrating that you haven't got the dotted line yet. If it's not true, I'll eat my cat.

ann said...

CBT is meant to be very helpful... just wish my son would use it.

Good luck with everything; sounds like you've got a lot on your plate

Shon Richards said...

I hope the CBT is helpful for you; its what helps me wake up every morning without a panic attack.