Friday, 8 December 2006

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

for so many reasons...
  • yesterday was more or less a bust, writingwise...
  • think a bit cockup has been made in respect of something I posted yesterday, resulting in the loss of a chunk of money
  • the crappy weather and stress factors are making every bit of my body ache... again...
  • Christmas is looming and I've done next to nothing towards it...
  • Yahoo went weird yesterday, resulting in lost posts...
  • all my other email addresses seem to be f-ed up too, resulting in me never knowing whether important emails have got to their destinations...
On the writing-bust-wise front... Have started some editing on IllMet and really, the first chapter is a pile of horse dollop! It's bad. Just bad. Dead and wooden as can be. And I know why. I 'translated' it from an old bit of first person writing I did, like, years ago and as the original bit was poor, the new version is poor too. Think I may have to print this bit off, read it, then rip it out of the MS completely and rewrite the whole first scene. I'm starting to have doubts about the whole opus, actually... The usual story... I have this horrible fear that my writing isn't 'intelligent' enough... isn't 'special' enough... Both those barbs have been aimed at me in the past... The first right at the beginning of my career when some pretentious git in an erotica mail order catalogue deemed that my first ever book wasn't 'intelligent' writing.... Well, up yours buster! The mail order business soon disappeared and I'm still here! The second was when my long suffering agent was trying to place my one and only attempt at a women's mainstream novel, and an editor somewhere said that my writing was good, but the book 'just wasn't special enough'... well, I think she was right, to be honest. In fact I know she was right. It was pretty much a 'nothing' idea... Mainstream is way beyond my scope... You need big ideas, and a fair degree of confidence, to launch into that arena, and I don't have either... There are some writing things I'm quite good at, when I'm 'in the zone', but generally I'm only too aware of my limitations.

I sometimes wonder if I should actually ignore my limitations though... approach my writing as if I sincerely believe that I'm a freaking genius and nothing I do can possibly be wrong... and just get carried along on the wave of my own self belief [importance]? What do you think? Is it worth a shot? LOL

6 comments:

Nikki Magennis said...

Re: ignoring limitations:

I think it's the only way to go, Wendy! I could spend hours fixated on all my shortcomings and I'd never get anything done.

Oh, wait, that's what I always do! What about printing off some of the wonderful reviews you've had and sticking them above your desk?

x

Mathilde Madden said...

Oh, Wendy. I think you're special. You're a trail blazer. If it weren;t for you where would the rest of us be?

Re:Ill Met. Why not try just lopping off the beginning? I write wooden when I find the story boring. For me, I can usually just cut the wooden stuff our completely. Find the point where the writing gets good and start from there.

Saskia Walker said...

Here here! listen to those BL ladies. We all go through doubts, I've had a huge patch recently. Re Ill met, my first chapters always have to be redone, I figure it's because I'm still getting to know the characters. Quite often I'll write an intimate or conflict scene first up, just to get a good feel for them. Then start the book properly after that.

Portia Da Costa said...

Thanks guys!

Actually, have just been working on that scene, and it's coming out a lot better now. It's pretty essential to the plot, but trying to hang on to too much of that old text was what was knacking it up. Now I'm ripping and replacing with gay abandon and it's starting to work... can feel the old PDC mojo starting to stir. It's coming to life...

Have been thinking about some of the advice my CP has given me on other projects, and that's helping... she's a freaking genius, that woman!

ann said...

actually what is wrong with self-belief... of course you're a genius... that's what you do best and your readership hang on to every word you write.

now do you feel better?

have you tried the new Bendicks chocs that are little bars within a bar... just eating a dark one now... I deserve it. I have been a domestic goddess all day; shame there's no man around to appreciate me.... booooo hooooo

have a good weekend

lotsa luv ann xxxxx

Portia Da Costa said...

Hi Ann! You're a star! Be nice to think that VDO might be hanging on my every word too, eh? I keep wondering about sending him copies of my books, but I actually *handed* my stuff to James Marsters, and I doubt that he ever read them... or at least if he did, he never bothered to let me know...

Oh God, I am just dying to try those Bendicks bars but I haven't seen them yet up here in the back of beyond!